That didn’t go as f***ing Planned

“That didn’t go as f***ing planned.” I don’t know who came up with this quote, but this describes the story of my life in six words. I don’t usually plan, but when I do, it never goes according to the plan. I plan a trip, a gathering, or sinply a study time for my exams, and in the end, I am left with a disoriented chaos. My plans have failed, surprisingly, so many times that I am no longer surprised at their failure. However, with age comes wisdom. I have become wiser, and now, when I am about to plan or do something, my wise soul tells me, “This isn’t going to go as f***ing planned.”

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A God for Me…

When I was little, my mother used to hold my hand and take me to temples. She had some faith in God, and that faith had transferred to me. However, as I grew taller, my faith in God grew smaller. It was not that I had lost all faith in God, just that I did not have the same faith that my mother had.

As I grew older, my thoughts became bolder. I still bowed my head at temples but it was more out of respect for my family’s beliefs and society’s culture. I was praying to a God I did not believe in. God never answered my prayers, or maybe he did and I am not aware of it. I do not understand this idea of God that the society follows. To be more precise, I doubt the forms and powers associated with God. Maybe there is someone who is watching over us, but I don’t think there i any point in asking for help. “God helps those who help themselves.”, this quote is what I believe in and what I follow. Although “God” has been referred to in the quote, the quote just means that we should put in the effort ourselves, without waiting for others. That is precisely what I do.

Why do I doubt the belief and faith the society has on God? I am not sure. I respect the belief the society has, but I don’t have the faith they have or the belief in the notion that “God will look after you.” I am not sure if I could be called an atheist, because I still think there may be a God, of form and with qualities that is completely different from how they have been perceived so far.

Then, what is a God for me? If God is a creator, for me that would be my mom. If God is a provider, for me that would be my father. If God is someone that gives hope, for me that would be my family. If God is someone that brings joy, for me that would be my friends. If God is someone strong, who helps others, for me, that is what I strive to be. So what about “the” God? He/She/They, for me, are probably busy doing their own thing.

So, I am still here, alive and well, and my choices of my beliefs has not betrayed me so far. My mom still makes me go to temples, but I do it now out of respect for her. I haven’t gone on a crusade to influence ithers and change their beliefs because it is their choice. I am happy with my decisions and have no regrets. Sure, I hit a few bumps here and there, but now I make an effort to get back on track myself, and not wait there, asking for help, and when things work out, it feels like an achievement. I see others searching for Gods in temples. A God for me, however, is in everyone around me.

I am sorry if this was not that good. It just felt wrong to abandon it after writing it down. Afterall, no writing is trash. So, be sure to like it, comment what you think, follow my blog  for more and share it.😊

Three Things I do Well

Its really difficult to pick three things I do well, but when I think about it, there seem to be three things that I am so good at, that I tend to do them instinctively. They are almost like second nature to me, and I execute them perfectly, either consciously or unconsciously. They are: 1) Dodging questions 2) Messing things up (especially friendships) and 3) Daydreaming.

I believe I am really good at dodging questions when I am in a tight spot. I do it so well that not only do I deviate a question with an irrelevant reply, I make it seem as if its the right direction for some time too. I tend to dodge difficult questions and get away with it unscathed. Well, except in my exams. This trick, sadly, doesn’t seem to do so well in exams.

The second thing I am an overachiever in is messing things up. I take something, and try to make it better, but in the end I over do it, and turn it into a hot, ugly mess. I have a tendency of messing up friendships. I try making it better, and although I often succeed, I would be lying if I said that I don’t have a big pile of broken friendships.

The final thing I am good at is daydreaming. I am so good at it that I do it with my eyes wide open, staring into the abyss that doesn’t even exist.(Actually thats how everyone does it, I guess.) I can do it anywhere, anytime. The teacher will be teaching in front of the class, and I would be in a dream where the class is interrupted by an alien invasion, and we all end up fighting them off with newly found superpowers. I could be at the dinner table, and my mind would be dreaming a scenario that has a negative ninety percent chance of actually occurring in real life.

So am I weird? Well, a certain friend told me I definitely am. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so. Will I stop doing these things from now? I probably won’t. Afterall, these are three things I do really well.

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Someone who had made me feel good about myself

It was about a year and half ago. I had failed in my grade twelve board exams. Unlike the time when I had failed in grade eleven, this time it had hit me real hard. I was really down and depressed. On top of that when I failed the supplementary exams, it was a really dark time for me. Although my family and friends were there to support me and consolidate me and managed to make me feel better, I still felt bad about myself. Then, one day, I started talking with her. (chatting actually.)

None of my class mates from high school knew about my results. She was the first person I told. There was nothing special betweenus, but I decided to trust her on an instinct. I knew she could keep a secret, so I spilled most of mine. We started chatting and this continued on for awhile, and it developed into a somewhat weird friendship. She is not one of my closest friend, but she is the one I trust the most. Just talking with her initially motivated me and made me happy and helped me get through darker times. I might never be able to repay this debt. For this, I would like to genuinely thank her. Although she is abroad now pursuing her education, she still remains one of the nicest friends I ever had. Even if we don’t talk anymore, like we used to do, for me, she will always be a valuable friend.

I am grateful to all my family members and friends that have been there for me, and motivated me, I want to dedicate this writing to that potterhead who somehow managed to make me feel good about myself, in one of my darkest times. So thank you, and I hope one day, you will read this and laugh at this idiot.

(If you like my posts, remember to like them, comment what you think, and follow my blog for more. You are also welcome to connect with me on other social sites. Stay awesome. 😊)