Why I write…

65 days. It has been 65 days since I last posted in my blog. Why did I stop? I do not know. I could say I was too busy with college and pre-board exams and what not, but that would just be making excuses. I did not post because I did not write. I did not write because I forgot why I write. However, now I remember.

I write because I like it. It is as simple as that. I like writing, letting my emotions take form of words in a paper, creating characters and giving them powers and abilities that I will never have. I like writing because through it I can create a world of my imagination, where the sky is red and the apple is blue, and Hedwig never died. I can create an alternate universe where my workshop teacher is a vampire slayer, my classmate is a ghost in an abandoned lighthouse. I can give life to non living things, make windows sentient, and have them argue with each other. I can see my words rhyme, and create a detective who solves a crime. All that was cramped inside my head, I can let it all flow out, and even if its crazy, stupid or weird, I feel proud, and I like that feeling.

Why do I share it?

I don’t know. I write, and I could keep it to myself. But I feel like I should share it. Everytime before I post, I am afraid. Afraid of being judged, afraid of being criticised, afraid of being misunderstood, or afraid of being understood correctly and being laughed at. I ask myself, “Is this worth it?” but before I think of the answer, I share it. Then I realise. In this big, big world, there will always be atleast one person who might read my writing, be inspired by it, or relate to it, or enjoy it, or just find some joy from reading it. For someone out there, I am giving shape to their own imagination. Every post I write, is like a letter, telling that one person, “You are not alone.” Realising this reminds me why I write. Even if my writings are bad, stupid, crazy, weird or just a plain trash, for that one person, it is a beautiful trash. So, I write, and I share, because for that one person that I didn’t even know existed, my writing might be just what they needed. That is what I think, because that is how I feel when I hear other’s stories. I relate to them, and I hope someone relates to me.

So, if you are that person who was waiting for my post, I am sorry that I haven’t posted for so long. I am going to write and post when I can. I guess college can really get in the way of my blog.(I should correct that in my bio.) Sorry, if this post was unusual. I usually hand-write a draft, and then upload it, making some adjustments, which I did not do with this post, because I thought it should be more honest and straight from the heart. So, stay awesome. And if you are facing a tough time, hold your head high, look up at the sky, and give a big smile. Nothing lasts forever. Not even my break from blogging.

I apologize if this post felt awkward.

P.S. if you like my posts, follow me, because even if I can’t say when, I can say that there will be more.😅

That didn’t go as f***ing Planned

“That didn’t go as f***ing planned.” I don’t know who came up with this quote, but this describes the story of my life in six words. I don’t usually plan, but when I do, it never goes according to the plan. I plan a trip, a gathering, or sinply a study time for my exams, and in the end, I am left with a disoriented chaos. My plans have failed, surprisingly, so many times that I am no longer surprised at their failure. However, with age comes wisdom. I have become wiser, and now, when I am about to plan or do something, my wise soul tells me, “This isn’t going to go as f***ing planned.”

(If you like my posts, remember to like them, share, comment what you think, and follow my blog for more. You are also welcome to connect with me on other social sites like facebook and instagram. Stay awesome. 😊)

A God for Me…

When I was little, my mother used to hold my hand and take me to temples. She had some faith in God, and that faith had transferred to me. However, as I grew taller, my faith in God grew smaller. It was not that I had lost all faith in God, just that I did not have the same faith that my mother had.

As I grew older, my thoughts became bolder. I still bowed my head at temples but it was more out of respect for my family’s beliefs and society’s culture. I was praying to a God I did not believe in. God never answered my prayers, or maybe he did and I am not aware of it. I do not understand this idea of God that the society follows. To be more precise, I doubt the forms and powers associated with God. Maybe there is someone who is watching over us, but I don’t think there i any point in asking for help. “God helps those who help themselves.”, this quote is what I believe in and what I follow. Although “God” has been referred to in the quote, the quote just means that we should put in the effort ourselves, without waiting for others. That is precisely what I do.

Why do I doubt the belief and faith the society has on God? I am not sure. I respect the belief the society has, but I don’t have the faith they have or the belief in the notion that “God will look after you.” I am not sure if I could be called an atheist, because I still think there may be a God, of form and with qualities that is completely different from how they have been perceived so far.

Then, what is a God for me? If God is a creator, for me that would be my mom. If God is a provider, for me that would be my father. If God is someone that gives hope, for me that would be my family. If God is someone that brings joy, for me that would be my friends. If God is someone strong, who helps others, for me, that is what I strive to be. So what about “the” God? He/She/They, for me, are probably busy doing their own thing.

So, I am still here, alive and well, and my choices of my beliefs has not betrayed me so far. My mom still makes me go to temples, but I do it now out of respect for her. I haven’t gone on a crusade to influence ithers and change their beliefs because it is their choice. I am happy with my decisions and have no regrets. Sure, I hit a few bumps here and there, but now I make an effort to get back on track myself, and not wait there, asking for help, and when things work out, it feels like an achievement. I see others searching for Gods in temples. A God for me, however, is in everyone around me.

I am sorry if this was not that good. It just felt wrong to abandon it after writing it down. Afterall, no writing is trash. So, be sure to like it, comment what you think, follow my blog  for more and share it.😊

Three Things I do Well

Its really difficult to pick three things I do well, but when I think about it, there seem to be three things that I am so good at, that I tend to do them instinctively. They are almost like second nature to me, and I execute them perfectly, either consciously or unconsciously. They are: 1) Dodging questions 2) Messing things up (especially friendships) and 3) Daydreaming.

I believe I am really good at dodging questions when I am in a tight spot. I do it so well that not only do I deviate a question with an irrelevant reply, I make it seem as if its the right direction for some time too. I tend to dodge difficult questions and get away with it unscathed. Well, except in my exams. This trick, sadly, doesn’t seem to do so well in exams.

The second thing I am an overachiever in is messing things up. I take something, and try to make it better, but in the end I over do it, and turn it into a hot, ugly mess. I have a tendency of messing up friendships. I try making it better, and although I often succeed, I would be lying if I said that I don’t have a big pile of broken friendships.

The final thing I am good at is daydreaming. I am so good at it that I do it with my eyes wide open, staring into the abyss that doesn’t even exist.(Actually thats how everyone does it, I guess.) I can do it anywhere, anytime. The teacher will be teaching in front of the class, and I would be in a dream where the class is interrupted by an alien invasion, and we all end up fighting them off with newly found superpowers. I could be at the dinner table, and my mind would be dreaming a scenario that has a negative ninety percent chance of actually occurring in real life.

So am I weird? Well, a certain friend told me I definitely am. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so. Will I stop doing these things from now? I probably won’t. Afterall, these are three things I do really well.

(If you like my posts, remember to like them, share, comment what you think, and follow my blog for more. You are also welcome to connect with me on other social sites like facebook and instagram. Stay awesome. 😊)

A letter from 90 year old me..

Dear Saurav,

Hey! Its me. By me I mean you. You from a little over seventy years from the future. I hope you are doing well. I am writing this letter to you in order to give some advice. So buckle up and listen to this wise, ninety year old man.

I still remember it like yesterday. The young, almost twenty year old me, joining law college, constantly reminding myself that this time, it was about my career and not about grades. How I wish I could relive those days! But alas! I can’t. You on the other hand, still can.

First of all, let me tell you this: life will get increasingly challenging and difficult from here on out. There will be a lot of troubled times. Too many of them to mention them all in this letter. You will face failure again a few times. These failures might not hit you as hard as when you failed your board exam back in high school, as these won’t be that bad. However, they will scar you nonetheless. In the end however, you will manage to pull through.

Over the years, I have had too many regrets, and I would like to spare you from some of them. So listen well. First of all I would like to remind you to bond with your parents more. I know you are doing pretty well in this right now. Maintain that bond over the years. I had spent plenty of time with my parents, but now that I look back, it seems so little. I was so busy growing up that I forgot they were growing old. Spend as much time as you can with them. It will never be enough.

Secondly, keep loving and caring about your relatives. They are such great people. Always remember how much they mean to you. Your cousins are the siblings you never had. Never forget this. Somehow, over time, they mangaged to drift away from me a little. Don’t let them do it again in your lifetime.

Lastly, and most importantly, put in more effort to rebond with your friends from school and high school. This is crucial as it all started when I was almost twenty. Some of my fruends went abroad and some stayed, but all of them became distant over time. Friendships started rotating around free time instead of the other way around. Over the years, I managed to make really good new friends, and reconnected with some old friends too, but I lost some of them. At that time when the distant started to grow, I told myself thaf it was just life and growing up, and giving each other some space was an act of maturity. But right now I want to tell you, sometimes, its okay to be a little immature. I don’t want you to have the same regrets that I have.

Other than this, there isn’t much to say. We have managed to achieve most of our dreams. We managed to pull through some difficult times abd managed to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I am currently well off and have a loving caring family and loving grandchildren. No, I am not going to tell you whom you end up with, not even a hint. Live your life yourself. Follow your instincts. Take my advice to the heart. Other problems and challenges, you will be able to overcome them yourself. You will leave behind a legacy in your field of work.

One day you will be in my place. Till then, stay safe, work hard, hold your head high, grin towards the sky, and keep moving forward, you youthful idiot.

Yours,

Saurav

(If you like my posts, remember to like them, comment what you think, and follow my blog for more. You are also welcome to connect with me on other social sites. Stay awesome. 😊)

A letter to a younger me..

Dear Saurav,

How are you? You just joined high school, if I remember correctly. Can’t believe its already been over three years. It feels like it was just yesterday when I was sixteen. Oh, by the way, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I am you. Well, you from three years in the future, to be honest.

Life is going pretty well for you so far, isn’t it? Don’t worry it will go on the same way, maybe with a few bumps in between. I can’t tell you what is going to happen in your next three years. You have watched enough movies and read enough fiction to know why. Just know that there will be some difficult times, but there will be plenty of good times too. In the end, you will come out as a different person, but believe me when I say its for the better.

Right now its a new beginning for you. So make a lot of new friends and make memories with them. I know you can do it because I have already done it. Follow your instincts, they won’t let you down. Cherish every moment and spend time with your friends and family. Also, keep drawing. No, I am not talking about all those assignments that you do in your zoology practical. I am talking about all the other drawings and sketches you make. You will get better with time.

A lot of things will happen in St. Xavier’s. Its gonna be one hell of a roller coaster ride. Here is a little sneak peek for you. After you graduate from St. Xavier’s, you will enroll in that law college, the one you aimed to join way back in grade eight.

Ok, thats enough. No more spoilers. It will ruin the experience for you. Just feel it for yourself. Then maybe one day, you will end up being wise enough to write a letter to your younger self, just like me.

Stay safe and have fun.

Yours truly,

Saurav

A Heaven for Me…

Hello there! Wait, were you expecting another story? Well, I will have to apologize, I thought I would try something different today. I guess you could call this a story, but its more of my imagination. Actually all of my fictional stories are imaginations. So you could call this a story too, I guess. I don’t know. The difference is that this is not based around an imaginary character, but rather the real me. So, sorry if I bore you, and without further delay, I would like to share with you (If you haven’t guessed it from the title by now) what my version of heaven would be like.

First of all, the heaven I am referring to is not one of those described in those religious texts or anything. Well, you could say the concept is similar, so to keep it simple, its a good place that I want to be in after I die and hell is the bad place. Good how? Well let me tell you. All the people I care about would be there and they would all get along and have a smile on their face. Friends, families, even the little Husky puppy that I never had, they would all be there. (It sounds like I am wishing for all my friends and family to die, but this is just an imagination. Besides, I am sending them all to heaven. So, its a fair deal I guess?)

When I was little, I wished to never see anyone I cared about die. That wish could never be granted, given the cycle of birth and death. As I grew older, I made a lot of friends, some closer and more precious than the others. I don’t know how much I matter to them (I don’t want to find out either.) but all of them mean alot to me. So, they would all be there in my heaven. Actually, I don’t want to see them die. So, I wish to die before them, and be there to welcome them into heaven. My family would be there too, and that’s obvious. (It is my heaven after all.)

But what if I don’t get my own heaven? What if I couldn’t be with them in heaven? What if they are all sent to hell? Then I would gladly go to hell and do my best to make them happy, as much as I could. What if only some of them were sent to hell? I would go visit them, as much as I could. And what if I alone was sent to hell? (Apparently, there’s a special seat for me booked in hell, called the throne.) Would I wish for them to be with me? Of course not. I don’t care if I have to be alone,  as long as I can see them smile. Honestly, being lonely scares me, but seeing the people I care about drowning in sadness, scares me a lot more.

So, a heaven for me, I imagine, is any place where the people I care about are happy and smiling, whether it involves me, or I am there just as a spectator. (I would prefer if it involved me, in all honesty.)

What if there is no life after death, you ask? What would happen to my heaven then? Well, if I am being completely honest with you, I have already experienced my heaven, whenever I am with the people I love, one moment at a time, and I wish to continue to do so, in whatever happens in my future.