A God for Me…

When I was little, my mother used to hold my hand and take me to temples. She had some faith in God, and that faith had transferred to me. However, as I grew taller, my faith in God grew smaller. It was not that I had lost all faith in God, just that I did not have the same faith that my mother had.

As I grew older, my thoughts became bolder. I still bowed my head at temples but it was more out of respect for my family’s beliefs and society’s culture. I was praying to a God I did not believe in. God never answered my prayers, or maybe he did and I am not aware of it. I do not understand this idea of God that the society follows. To be more precise, I doubt the forms and powers associated with God. Maybe there is someone who is watching over us, but I don’t think there i any point in asking for help. “God helps those who help themselves.”, this quote is what I believe in and what I follow. Although “God” has been referred to in the quote, the quote just means that we should put in the effort ourselves, without waiting for others. That is precisely what I do.

Why do I doubt the belief and faith the society has on God? I am not sure. I respect the belief the society has, but I don’t have the faith they have or the belief in the notion that “God will look after you.” I am not sure if I could be called an atheist, because I still think there may be a God, of form and with qualities that is completely different from how they have been perceived so far.

Then, what is a God for me? If God is a creator, for me that would be my mom. If God is a provider, for me that would be my father. If God is someone that gives hope, for me that would be my family. If God is someone that brings joy, for me that would be my friends. If God is someone strong, who helps others, for me, that is what I strive to be. So what about “the” God? He/She/They, for me, are probably busy doing their own thing.

So, I am still here, alive and well, and my choices of my beliefs has not betrayed me so far. My mom still makes me go to temples, but I do it now out of respect for her. I haven’t gone on a crusade to influence ithers and change their beliefs because it is their choice. I am happy with my decisions and have no regrets. Sure, I hit a few bumps here and there, but now I make an effort to get back on track myself, and not wait there, asking for help, and when things work out, it feels like an achievement. I see others searching for Gods in temples. A God for me, however, is in everyone around me.

I am sorry if this was not that good. It just felt wrong to abandon it after writing it down. Afterall, no writing is trash. So, be sure to like it, comment what you think, follow my blog  for more and share it.😊

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If I could send them away…

I was asked to write about things I dislike, the things I would put in a box and send down the river. I thought it would be easy, but then I started counting them, which turned my heart cold and made me shiver. I had so many things to put in that I got lost. I had no idea what to include in the box, for my list ranged from world hunger to my stinking pile of socks. Maybe I should just mention all my bad exam papers, for they make a pile tall enough to dwarf skyscrapers. As I sat down, lost in my thought, I realised that my box isn’t big enough to hold them all, and they all don’t need to go in, some of them can be fought. Soon, it hit me that there are things that I really wish to be gone, out of existence, nowhere to be found under the sun.

My box would have all of my mother’s tears. It would also include all of my father’s fears. Those caused by me are many, and I don’t want my parents to be left with any. I would put in all the goodbyes I had to say to my friends, because our path together was about to end. I would throw in all those heart wrenching departures, and wish for more time together, like birds of the same feather. I would lock up all those times I had to spend away from my cousins, and I would strap those times in the box like they were my worst sins. It’s not that I didn’t or don’t have friends and family to hang out with and parents that care, but I would just like to have more of it, so that life could be more fare.

My box wouldn’t just consist of these great wishes to make my life grand. It would also consist of petty things like my mom’s curry, which is so bland. I would put in all my past disasters in with a flick of my wand, even if doing so now is useless, like pouring water in the sand. There are more things I want to put in, that I know, but I can’t add anymore in this flow. Maybe I am already turning some heads, for not mentioning any world problems, and just going on about my regrets. In my defense, this is my wish, and I get to be a little selfish. So, I will stop my list here, as I don’t know what to put in this box at the river shore, and even though I have more things coming to my mind, I can’t make them rhyme anymore. I would put all these in, and shut the box tight for the win. Then I would send it down the river Styx all the way to Hell, as I stand at the shore, bidding it farewell.

However, what if there is no such box, and my life would still have all these holes in the mix? What if I don’t know my way down to river Styx? My life would still be alright, for I have a bigger pile, of all the things that make me smile.

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A letter from 90 year old me..

Dear Saurav,

Hey! Its me. By me I mean you. You from a little over seventy years from the future. I hope you are doing well. I am writing this letter to you in order to give some advice. So buckle up and listen to this wise, ninety year old man.

I still remember it like yesterday. The young, almost twenty year old me, joining law college, constantly reminding myself that this time, it was about my career and not about grades. How I wish I could relive those days! But alas! I can’t. You on the other hand, still can.

First of all, let me tell you this: life will get increasingly challenging and difficult from here on out. There will be a lot of troubled times. Too many of them to mention them all in this letter. You will face failure again a few times. These failures might not hit you as hard as when you failed your board exam back in high school, as these won’t be that bad. However, they will scar you nonetheless. In the end however, you will manage to pull through.

Over the years, I have had too many regrets, and I would like to spare you from some of them. So listen well. First of all I would like to remind you to bond with your parents more. I know you are doing pretty well in this right now. Maintain that bond over the years. I had spent plenty of time with my parents, but now that I look back, it seems so little. I was so busy growing up that I forgot they were growing old. Spend as much time as you can with them. It will never be enough.

Secondly, keep loving and caring about your relatives. They are such great people. Always remember how much they mean to you. Your cousins are the siblings you never had. Never forget this. Somehow, over time, they mangaged to drift away from me a little. Don’t let them do it again in your lifetime.

Lastly, and most importantly, put in more effort to rebond with your friends from school and high school. This is crucial as it all started when I was almost twenty. Some of my fruends went abroad and some stayed, but all of them became distant over time. Friendships started rotating around free time instead of the other way around. Over the years, I managed to make really good new friends, and reconnected with some old friends too, but I lost some of them. At that time when the distant started to grow, I told myself thaf it was just life and growing up, and giving each other some space was an act of maturity. But right now I want to tell you, sometimes, its okay to be a little immature. I don’t want you to have the same regrets that I have.

Other than this, there isn’t much to say. We have managed to achieve most of our dreams. We managed to pull through some difficult times abd managed to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I am currently well off and have a loving caring family and loving grandchildren. No, I am not going to tell you whom you end up with, not even a hint. Live your life yourself. Follow your instincts. Take my advice to the heart. Other problems and challenges, you will be able to overcome them yourself. You will leave behind a legacy in your field of work.

One day you will be in my place. Till then, stay safe, work hard, hold your head high, grin towards the sky, and keep moving forward, you youthful idiot.

Yours,

Saurav

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A Heaven for Me…

Hello there! Wait, were you expecting another story? Well, I will have to apologize, I thought I would try something different today. I guess you could call this a story, but its more of my imagination. Actually all of my fictional stories are imaginations. So you could call this a story too, I guess. I don’t know. The difference is that this is not based around an imaginary character, but rather the real me. So, sorry if I bore you, and without further delay, I would like to share with you (If you haven’t guessed it from the title by now) what my version of heaven would be like.

First of all, the heaven I am referring to is not one of those described in those religious texts or anything. Well, you could say the concept is similar, so to keep it simple, its a good place that I want to be in after I die and hell is the bad place. Good how? Well let me tell you. All the people I care about would be there and they would all get along and have a smile on their face. Friends, families, even the little Husky puppy that I never had, they would all be there. (It sounds like I am wishing for all my friends and family to die, but this is just an imagination. Besides, I am sending them all to heaven. So, its a fair deal I guess?)

When I was little, I wished to never see anyone I cared about die. That wish could never be granted, given the cycle of birth and death. As I grew older, I made a lot of friends, some closer and more precious than the others. I don’t know how much I matter to them (I don’t want to find out either.) but all of them mean alot to me. So, they would all be there in my heaven. Actually, I don’t want to see them die. So, I wish to die before them, and be there to welcome them into heaven. My family would be there too, and that’s obvious. (It is my heaven after all.)

But what if I don’t get my own heaven? What if I couldn’t be with them in heaven? What if they are all sent to hell? Then I would gladly go to hell and do my best to make them happy, as much as I could. What if only some of them were sent to hell? I would go visit them, as much as I could. And what if I alone was sent to hell? (Apparently, there’s a special seat for me booked in hell, called the throne.) Would I wish for them to be with me? Of course not. I don’t care if I have to be alone,  as long as I can see them smile. Honestly, being lonely scares me, but seeing the people I care about drowning in sadness, scares me a lot more.

So, a heaven for me, I imagine, is any place where the people I care about are happy and smiling, whether it involves me, or I am there just as a spectator. (I would prefer if it involved me, in all honesty.)

What if there is no life after death, you ask? What would happen to my heaven then? Well, if I am being completely honest with you, I have already experienced my heaven, whenever I am with the people I love, one moment at a time, and I wish to continue to do so, in whatever happens in my future.